Winter Light

So.. this is embarrasing. My take on the 30 Day Blog Challenge failed on the 17th day, and that was four months ago! Oh well. What can I say? I got sick and became unable to blog for a couple of days, in turn losing the focus or the rhythm or the spark or whatever it was that drove me to take on such a blogging challenge in the first place. In other words, laziness and failure to keep the motivation going took the best of me. I should know better. I’m the queen of sporadic blogging and unfinished tasks after all. But that doesn’t mean I can’t go back and finished what I started. As ridiculously late as it is, today I’m finally picking up where I left off in this writing challenge. So, carry on…

I admire a lot of people, and that’s because I see the qualities in them that I wish I have or have more in me. Famous people who I only get to read about or see on TV, people I’ve only met once, or people who I get to see and talk to almost everyday, they all have something good in their hearts that I can only hope to emulate.

These are the people who are: genuinely kind andsee all human beings as equal despite their race and economic status, nice that they don’t have a mean bone in their body yet know when to say no and can be firm when needed, compassionate to the extent that they would go out of their way to help other people and share their blessings, patient in chasing their dreams and in dealing with difficult people, humble despite their achievements and status in society, good teachers who not only impart their knowledge but inspire others to give their best in what they do, passionate in their craft that their dedication and perseverance not only give birth to something good, but inspire people as well, honest and true to their self for the right reasons despite what other people might think or say, brave enough to stay sane, break away from bad history and start anew and live rightly, ambitious enough to have goals and the courage to pursue them even if it means stepping out of their comfort zones, simple in living their lives and who treasure priceless things than material ones, self-sufficient that they don’t depend their happiness on others and who make the best of what they have rather than complain, self-less that having a family and being a good spouse and parent mean more than advancing in their career, true to their word and who keep it despite the circumstances, and no matter what, remain faithful to God and never tire in doing good.

I wish the world never runs out of these kinds of people.

I’m longing to feel something I’ve never felt before, yet it’s a familiar feeling. I’m ecstatic with a hint of melancholy. I feel like a speeding bullet about to start a giant explosion. Yes, I’m not making much sense right now. Perhaps this is the effect of lack of sleep brought about by restlessness, overthinking caused by listening to music I’ve grown up with, and anxiety+enjoyment over work.

I’m also way behind the 30 day blog challenge. I need to keep my mind (and heart) together to keep up with it. Life I can get crazy.

I would really like to run a hair iron on your hair and see you in dainty clothes and shoes. I know that’s none of my business, but I think you’re pretty and it would be really interesting to see you woman up a little bit. (hehe)

That I have a lot of connect-the-dots-like moles on my face. It’s the most obvious thing about me I guess. One look at me and hey, moles!

On occassions where I got to spend enough time with other people for them to notice the less obvious things about me, (WARNING: Possible bragging ahead.) more than once it was mentioned that I have long slim fingers that look nice and that I have nice penmanship. These complements never fail to make me smile in a why, thank you sort of way.

Here in the US, some people have told me too that I can speak English well, which is quite often a surprise for them since they still have no idea how common the English language is in the Philippines. I’m always a bit saddened by this. If only they know how often people in the Philippines use English and how good most Filipinos are in speaking and writing in it. I always tell them the same thing: that Filipinos use English in school from kindergarten to college, watch English movies and TV shows, read English books and listen to English music, aside from the local Tagalog ones. I’ve had the same reaction from people a number of times and I’ve given the same answer repeatedly. I know there will be more similar situations ahead. Oh well. At least there’s an additional person who knows this thing about Filipinos every time. One informed person at a time.

Since I missed yesterday’s challenge, I’m doing it with today’s challenge.

Day 14: What do you like most about yourself?

I like that I’m a naturally happy person. I have the desire to enjoy anything life throws at me because the way I see it, smiling, laughing and enjoying the moment are more important than winning or losing. It doesn’t sound so easy though. Life can be hard and not everything is pleasant. There are also times when I run out of patience, and I can get discouraged, sad, pissed and a little potty-mouthed. I’m only human anyway.

I also like that my being naturally happy comes with being adventurous, risky, playful, having the ability to entertain myself and not get sad and bored even when I’m alone, and the desire to get to know people, especially from different backgrounds than myself.

But sometimes my happiness can get a little out of hand. I can be crazy happy, like I’m high and hyper, that even myself gets annoyed and exhausted by it. Guess I just have to learn how to bottle the extra happiness. They can be quite useful on days when I’ve gone astray from the sunny side of the street.

Day 15: What do you dislike most about yourself?

It’s a tie between being bad at time management and not having enough patience.

I can be such a procrastinator and a slacker. Most of my free time are spent on sleeping and being idle in front of the computer. That makes me sad because I could have been a lot more productive. I’m aware of it, but it still requires a good dose of motivation for me to get going. Discipline, discipline, discipline!!!

I honestly think I’m a lot more patient now than before. I used to be really impatient on just about everything (and everyone), especially when I was in high school. God must have wanted me to be patient because it seems that almost everything I’ve gone through and still going through have been about being patient. I’m learning, slowly but surely. 

Yes and yes.

It’s all in the past.

I’d wish a cure for cancer, non-existence of illegal drugs and drug abuse, and end of suffering for some people, especially those who are in extreme poverty and those who are alone.

I’m Michelle Marie Bibaoco, representing the beautiful country of the Philippines!

hahaha… Pardon the Ms. Universe-like answer. But I’d really wish for those things if given the chance of having anything come true.

I’m scared of the big C.

I think drug abuse is irresponsible and pointless.

It breaks my heart to see people die of hunger or from an illness because they don’t have enough money for food or medical help when there are others who excessively spend their money on signature bags, clothes and other unnecessary material things. 

It also makes me sad to see someone, especially elders, who live alone because their family doesn’t support or want them. Makes me wonder why sufferings such as this have to exist. 

My answer is already a given. I could have exempted it as an answer to this question, but then I wouldn’t have any one else as an answer. Most people share the same answer. I guess it’s because it all boils down to a basic human need, which we all share.

Plain and simple, I can’t live without my family, my friends, and most of all, God. 

I wouldn’t be who I am and wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for my family, especially my parents. They are the glue that keeps me together, the driving force to always aspire and reach for more. Their unconditional love is the greatest blessing.

My friends (old friends, new friends, boyfriend) make me happy and keep me sane. Life would be meaningless, dull and unimaginable without them. It wouldn’t be a life at all.

I can’t imagine going through life without something to hold on to. Everything in life wouldn’t mean a thing without faith in a power greater than ourselves. What makes me go on living is the belief that everything happens for a reason, everyone in my life is there for a purpose, and God is molding me everyday according to His will. I wouldn’t have made it without such a thing as prayer, its power and the Master who hears it.

Whenever I hear the word “future,” the first thing that comes to mind, and also the thing that I’ve always wanted, is this: 

Get married.
Wait at least a year before having three or four kids.
Work in a job that’s challenging enough but something that I won’t have to think about when I come home, and would compensate enough for me to be able to do, enjoy and own the things that I love (like travelling, giving pasalubongs for family and friends, supporting my family, some shopping..).
Live in my own house. (Hopefully in my dream house)
Come home everyday to a pleasant and safe tree-lined neighborhood. 

I just want the simple life. (Although it doesn’t sound so simple when I lay it out in detail.) It may be ordinary or plain for some. But it’s the only way I know how to make the best of life. By having a simple life, I can do extraordinary things, like raise good kids, see the world, help people, and have lasting and meaningful relationships. Those things are priceless. Though travelling isn’t so priceless. ;)

Family, friends, work, domestic life, travel. That basically sums up my dream for the future.

For Day 9, I’m doing this the “list” style again. It’s faster, easier and less complicated for my elaborate-proned brain.

Within the next year, I hope/dream/plan to…

- change from being a Traveller Med. Tech to a permanent Tech at work

- have a smooth time settling in Juneau, if this is where I’m really meant to be, and enjoy living here

- travel more

- see a grand slam tennis tournament

- fatten up my savings

- send a balikbayan box to the Philippines for my family and friends

- make more friends

- see Flip here in the US 

- have at least a month’s vacation to the Philippines

- read (and finish) a new book every month

- exercise at least twice a week

- cook more

- be more patient and kind

- write regularly in my journal/blog

- get better at work

- sleep more

- dance more

- be able to smile and laugh more

- be consistent in being a positive person